it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
