omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
