it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
