oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize