i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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