i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
