I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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