Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
