I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
