Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
