You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
