I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The struggles of a small town man whore
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
