He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize