im six kinds of drunk right now
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
