At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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