I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
