She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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