didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
