U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
