Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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