I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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