If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
