I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
