I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
