Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
