it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
