I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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