I need to stop coming to work sober
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
