Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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