mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
