Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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