Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize