If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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