if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
how drunk are you?
Several
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
