im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
