The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
