DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
