Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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