I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
