I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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