Can Purell be used as lube?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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