don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
