She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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