He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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