we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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