I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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