Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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