Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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