I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
