While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
