i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
