I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
being pregnant is like rehab
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
