He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
