Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
