after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
