I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
