OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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