apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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