The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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