oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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