That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
