You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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