If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You are a genius and a whore.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
