i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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