There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So squirting runs in the family.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
