In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
