Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
