i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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