I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
