Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
