I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
