He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
