i barfeds in our rink
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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