So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
