Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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