You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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