I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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