She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
