i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
