Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
