I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
