so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
