I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
