After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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