you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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