the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
