ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
