Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
