Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
