Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
