I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
