My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize