I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How's work?
Spinning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
